Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Kurbaan

There are some films that are made to make you laugh, some films made to make you cry and there are those which are made only to be saavaduchyfyed by blogs like the one you are reading right now. Kurbaan - taana vandu maatara teeni for this blog.


The Goat n Horse Romance

Aatu-daadi Saif Khan falls madly in love with Kudara(i) moonji Kareena Kapoor when they meet in one of the Delhi colleges in which Madam is a professor. Saif is a visiting professor from God-knows-where and teaches God-knows-what. Thanks to Karan Jogar's extra budget for costumes, Madam Professorini wears A-line skirts and nice tops teamed with churidars and stoles. Aadu and Kudara(i) romance in the university, in Jama Masjid and all other places where Fanaa was shot. Not just the locales, the story isn't any different from Fanaa's. The US of A university where Kareena had studied earlier wants her back for the next semester, so Saifeena (Gosh! Don't tell me you aren't aware of this term! Gosh!) get married and move to the USA. Kareena realizes that her tottu burkha poatta purusan is indeed a terrorist planning a major attack in the US and the rest of the story puts javvu-mittai to shame.

Kurbaan =

9/11 + Muslim terrorists + Afghanistan-Pakistan + songs and dialogues that go "Allahfazeequaarranakdaamakkadham" every two minutes + Aapaas + Abbajaans

It is also about...

Kareena kapoor's horrible makeup that makes her look on par with Kirrrron kherrr, Saif and Kareena's trying-to-be romantic chemistry which falls flat, Dia guest-appearance-only Mirza's award winning yet another guest appearance, Viveik Oberoi's yet another second hero attempt, Karan Jogar's yet another attempt in making films only and only for the US market, 'Aaapa' Kirrrron Kher's yet another 'Ittifaaq-ki-Kurbaani-ki-khaatil' tight closeup that scares you.

Some kostans

  • Why does Omapodi's sorry Ompuri's moonji look like ellu-kollu bursting always? Was he made to read his biography penned by his wife Nandita Puri before he shot for the film :-p ?
  • Why was Viveik Oberoi made to look five years older than Saifu baba with his (VO's) bad hairstyle?
  • Kareena kapoor's false nails appear, disappear in a few nails and reappear in some, disappear in the rest again and again.What was the continuity supervisor doing on the sets? (Karan Jogar, if you haven't paid the continuity supervisor of this film yet... don't! he doesn't deserve it)
  • When Saifu baba meets the dean, the dean asks him "What can you teach?" - Saifu says "I can teach the role of Muslims in ethnic domestic current economic socio some sh!+"
- Dai! At this rate, even I can be a professor in any US university teaching "varied" subjects including "How to manage Bangali colleagues who put Oscar award winning nadippu" "How to talk bade bade lingo in client meetings which nobody understands" "How to act busy in aabees" etc etc.

"Idho Police" moments

Almost all pre-2000 films have these "Idho police-e vandhachu" moments where a gang of Inspectors and constable 2 not 2s enter the climax to "Arrest him". This film has many such scenes. When you expect the FBI to be one number 'Gowravam Sivaji' types, they end up being CID Sangars. They appear out of nowhere, act like mechanic muthus cutting wires, running in chapels, stations and arriving at the last moment to arrest terrorists. Saif Khan is in the 'most wanted' hit list but roams around wearing coat-suit teaching Islam. Ennavo pongappa!

Sufi for Saifu

When in doubt, add an Allah, Khudafeez to the lyrics. Yes, Salim-Suleiman's background score is really good but the tunes are so... predictable. Shukhranaaallla is an oppari by itself. And like all Salim-Suleiman films this one too has two to three songs with a Sufi touch but like all the previous ones, they are nothing but clones of each other.

Scenes for Page-3 and mudugu sorinjing twitterati

Like all angreji philums, there's one number Oh-so-lovely love-making scene. Our makkal particularly the KJO and Juniorbachchan mudugu sorinjing twitterati make such a shoo-shaa about how aesthetically it has been shot, how poignant that moment is, how sensuous it is blah blah. C'mon it was yet another Jeyamalini-kind-of-villi stealing info from the anti-hero's draw after woo-ing him. Idhula enna steamy, hot-tu, sexy vendikedakku?

Ultimate climax moment

Saifu shot, Vivek Oberoi cluelessly running around, director desperately putting scenes with all sorts of people crying after the bomb blast hoping we will get some pheelings seeing them and all is over... and Kudira moonji asks Aatu daadi, "Tumhara asli naam kya hai?" (What's your real name?) and he says, "Khalid!" and she weeps and weeps endlessly. Audience wonders why she is sobbing. Is it 'coz she feels Khalid is such a kandravi name? Turns out that she's been living with her lauvvver and husband all this while without knowing his actual name. And worshtu! this scene movies into the moment where she walks and walks and walks towards the camera before we stare at the blank screen... and people wait for something to happen.... and.... and... the credits roll! Kodumaban! Kandraviban! Ban everything!

Finally...

Kurbaan is your same-old-fungus-infected story of Muslim terrorist madly in love with a Hindu girl. At least the director could have presented it better. The characters lack depth, they wander around aimlessly and Saif-Kareena look so not interested in the film. There's nothing in the film that makes us feel for the characters.

'Korattai'ban - 2 out of 5 - Its all about loving your korattai in the theaters.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

DisCARD?

Fourteen years + four full-time jobs + seven years of freelance + umpteen designations = Twelve different sets of visiting cards, each bunch as big as a sengal.

The first ever visiting card I had with my name and the designation 'Production assistant' left me ultra thrilled. I was distributing it to all and sundry that mummy-gaaru thought I'd give one each to all those vettalappakku mamis during Navarathri. A redesignation in exactly six months and I had one box full of 'Production assistant' cards left unused. A year later after having distributed ten-eleven cards to junta around, I moved on...to a new job.

Yet another set of new cards in the new company. Within a month, the company underwent a makeover, so new cards with the new name (of the company). In a year, we had a new logo, so new cards again! And these cards were very well 'used'. With extensive shoots all over India, the ettupatti panchayattus, Kollywood- Bollywood gumbal were compulsorily given one card each only to see their "Wow, nice card!" reactions. Cheap thrills.

New job again. New card. Didn't use it much 'coz it was tata-bye bye in 7 months. Then came the seven year hits! Seven wonderful years of freelance-o-freelance. Seven years and like a typical bachelor-ini in Mumbai, moved from one house to another every eleven months. Every move, one new visiting card and each of these was a bare minimum of 100 visiting cards. Five cards for freelancer's sake. The company which engaged my services during this time, gave me a card that read 'Creative consultant'. It was too hep for me to say No. So, one more set of cards to the kitty.

Finally happy with sondha veedu and all and I thought I'd never have to make new cards with new addresses. But Vidhi had other plans (Wow, what a dialogue I say!)

I joined this company am working with right now, a few years ago. When I had joined, I was a part of 'Corporate Programming'. One bunch of visiting cards landed up within ten days of my appointment. Suddenly they decided to give it a creative name, literally... 'Creative services' .So new cards in six months.

Last week, when the promotion + redesignation letter reached me, I was konjam upset...I have to make yet another set of visiting cards.

Over the years, every time I discard the old ones, one senti feeling comes. What do you do with the old bunch of cards? Donate to the soda-butti GRE, CAT exam types who may want to use it as flash cards? Or use the other side to write "Happy Gruhapravesham! Best wishes......" instead of Green-blue-red-yellow roja flowered gifts tags on jagajakka gift wrappers? Visiting cards are too small for the blank side to be used for pictionary sessions, so out of the question there.

Whatever happens to the old ones?

(Pic : The pugazh and pe(ya)r I sambadichifyed diffused deliberately)

Perhaps play Mangattha or something with the old cards? Oru kai paakalama? Bring your cards, I say!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Presenting the new brand...

Earlier, full-on advertising was restricted to Deepavali, Christmas, Pongal and other festivities - 50% discount on this, 99% discount on that etc etc. Then came Valentine's day, Friendship day, Neighbours' day blah blah when Archies, Hallmark and others made tons of money asking people to gift their loved ones.

Telecom is one sector whose advertising is not restricted to any season - They obviously cannot say "Talk more this Deepavali" or "Wish your loved ones on New year's". Be it Aadi or Amaavasai people talk anyways. So these guys thought of something 'innovative'... they have created an 'occasion' for you to talk. Presenting the new brand in town - 26/11.

Post 26/11 - R R Patil is back, Kasab is still being interrogated, Karkare's bullet proof is still missing and nobody is doing a damn about it including people like me who show their angst writing blog posts at 7 in the morning. Honestly, I don't know what I can and could have done instead of thinking about slapping a certain section of the society, all day. I am angry... so bleddy angry! And adding to this are people using the 26/11 anniversary to promote their brand.





Talk between 'this' and 'that' time and we give the money to the Police force and supporting this is one 'poignant' 'heart wrenching' 'moving' 'in your face' commercial.

"Atleast someone is doing something and what's your problem?" you may ask. If the cellular brand was so interested in the welfare of the Police, they could have quietly donated X amount of money and 'talked' about it later.

I really really wish I could talk about more such stuff happening around but, for a lot of reasons, I can't.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Talai vaazhai ilai poattu...

H, S and J were my first friends in Mumbai and thanks to facebook and SMSes have been in touch with all of them.

H called me last week after almost three years. "Come for lunch on Sunday, ela saappadu!". My first question was, "What's the occasion? Gruhapravesham? son's birthday? Appa's Shashtiabdapoorthy?" "No occasion, just land up at 11.30!" he said.

B and I promptly landed up at 12 . H and his lovely wife S greeted us and the strong vengaya sambhar manam welcomed us. H mentioned that everytime he'd call his folks in Madras they were busy attending some kalyanam, nischayathartam etc. to have ela saapadu. We folks in Bombay hardly enjoy this privilege. One ends up travelling to the distant suburbs of Vashi, Thane yearning for Ela saapadu in attendance-compulsory-family-dos and the food comes at a price... answering umpteen relatives' boring questions which are as predictable and boring as 'Tiraiulaga Kalai nigazhchis' in Sun, Kalaignar TV etc.

So, H decided to call all his friends and organize an ela saapadu lunch."Who needs an occasion for ela saapadu?" So true. Why wait for a wedding, kaadu kutthal, gruhapravesham to have namma ooru saapadu?

Yesterday's menu was - Rice, paruppu, moar kozhambu, arachu vitta onion sambhar, rasam, urulai curry, koottu, beans, moar, aviyal, vadai, paal payasam and ofcourse nei. The quality of any tamizh meals can be judged instantly by the paal payasam that is served on your banana leaf, first. It has to be creamy, thick and not white but beige-ish in colour. Yesterday's payasam passed this test and was soo yummy that I had to miss my favourite thayir saadam to have an extra helping of paayasam. The lunch was extraordinary!


We were around 20 of us and there was complete silence after the first pandhi. None of us could get up and everyone waited for someone to help them get up. I was soooo full that I couldn't manage a pic from the cellphone. The image above is courtesy this blog .

Have promised H and S that very soon we shall have the next party. Where's the party? Vennpongal, vadai, idli, masala dosai, chutnies, sambar-oda party at my place. Can't wait!

Monday, November 02, 2009

Tele-vetti 23

Tele-vetti 22 - Koo chuk chuk, Aascar goes to Praveen S - 4/10. Congrats!

Scores- Swap - 2/10 ; Ramaswamy N - 1/10 ;

The correct answers (L to R)

1. Murattu kalai
2. Thevar magan
3. 16 vayadinile
4. Moondram pirai
5. Thalapathi
6. Anniyan
7. Thillana mohanambal
8. 5 star
9. Kizhakke pogum rayil
10. Agni nakshatram

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Tele-vetti 23 - Kamal 50!

Identify the Kamal films [L to R please]

One entry per person / Only one guess allowed - incase of two guesses the first one will be taken into account

One point per correct answers - 15 points to be won

Email your answers to blogeswari {AT} gmail {DOT} com

Last date for sending your entries - Kamalahassan's birthday - ie. Saturday, 7th November '09