Avan-Ivan

" Kandippa inda padathukku Hero-vukku award kedaikkum" - the Pillayar suzhi/ Om sakthi / 'Bodyguard Muneeswaran Tunai' in the first page of director Bala's bound script (was there one?) was replaced by this particular line, me thinks.

Award director Bala set out to make Pithamagan part 2 with the same sembatta tala hero, heroines who fall in love with odavaakarai heroes, over the top characters, kutthu dance, old songs in the background for feel, adding more kaamedy, one mega death,super opppaaaari and all..so that he, his team and ofcourse Hero saar get Awaardu. But what's the point? We need something called a STORY for a film illaya Bala Saar?

Annar-Innar

Walter Vanangamudi (Vishal) & Kumbudren Saami (Arya) are step brothers who don't get along. Their mothers who are sakkalathis are seen screaming at each other forever with mega kevalamaana expletives. There is one wasteu Jameendar (G M Kumar) who is the step brothers' father figure of sorts. Walter is passionate about acting and Kumbudaren is a petty thief. Interval block. Post interval what happens is... well.. er.. the story is.. er..we reach Vanakkam, Subham, a film by Bala etc etc.

He-(S)he

Vishal's character has feminine qualities untypical of a man and he has put in his best. Very good performance - so untypically Vishal (you know what I mean). His intro kutthattam is very well choreographed. Nothing great about Arya's performance. But sadly both characters are overly caricature-ish and they have nothing in them that draws you towards them

Aval-Ival, Ambiga & others

Constable Baby (Janani Iyer) is Walter's lover. Themozhi (Madhu Shalini) is paired opposite Arya. There is something seriously wrong with these women characters. There is no reason for them to fall in love with these cartoon heroes. These two ladies just like their guys float around aimlessly.

Ambiga plays Vishal's beedi-pidiching mother. Own dubbing. Clap Clap. Big achievement after kuppa kotting in the industry for more than three decades. One more clap for her acting.

Golt actresses have one typical looku. You see Prabha Ramesh, playing Arya's mother. You see all Golt Amma actresses like Vanishri types. Ore jerox with big eyes putting NTR type expression. And I have one important question to Kollywood. Whoever decided to cut off Ambiga's lauvvly front curls in her hair? Kalai-drogis.

And there is also Airtel Super Singer pugazh Ananth Saar with his semi-mallu accent trying to pass off as a gramathu Appa of the brothers (Palakkad is Mallu wonly, so all Mallus don't jump with full veeram and say "He is Palakkad, not Mallu"). Not working.

Adhu-Idhu

Suchitra Chandrabose's choreography in Vishal's intro Kuttaattam is sooper ! But didn't get the point of a kuttaattam every ten minutes. Actually I get the point. No story and hence put Saavu aattam. If there was no dance there was toilet humour. Crass. Can't blame the director. Makkal laugh at the very mention of things associated with human excreta. Yuck.

As far as most of the other jokes, felt Kalakka-p-povadu yaaru script writers did a much better job.

And I guess the 'M____' word is officially part of the 'ok' list of our Censor board. I hear it in all Tamizh films these days. Vaalga tameel! Valarga kalaacharam!

Arthur Wilson's cinematography makes you fall in love with Tenkasi, Kuttralam and other locations.

Yuvan Shankar Raja, the hottest music director around fails to deliver in the songs. Boredom happens during songs.

There is a Villain character giving severe competition to T Rajendar with his dashing persnalty and daadi. He is supposed to give menacing looks. Makkal ended up laughing in the theater for him also. He does everything a villain does in a Bala film. Kodumaya kill somebody and get killed in the end by the hero. Pah!

Award-Iward

Bala, after filming the first half must've felt it was going nowhere and decided to rope in Surya. Infact, theater-la Surya entry-kku full applause. Surya's scene revolves around promoting Agaram foundation. At the end of this scene, Vishal does some Navarasam act of sorts. Why why why? Semma torture. This scene must've been an assistant director's contribution in the story (?) discussion. And of course the Asst. director must've said "Bala Saar, only for this scene,Vishal-ukku kandippa National award kedaikkum Saar". So makkale , be prepared! For the next one week, we are going be bombarded with Madhan, Sugasini and other TV 'jaalra' reviewers and their "Kandippa Vishal-ukku National award kedaikkum" dialaak.

And for the next one year, Vijay awards, Rani Muthu awards, Vigadan Virudus, Mylapore Academy awards, Y Gee Magendra's daughter kudukkara some award and every Virudu Vazhangara Vizha's curtain raiser on all magazines, television channels and radio stations are going to say just one thing... "Inda padathukku Vishal-ukku..."

And if they fail to give Nashional award to Vishal next year, Tamizh makkal will pongify! Watch out! I am going to start the #NationalawardforVishal trend on twitter.

Adhuva-Idhuva?

The question is no longer "Ungalukku Kamal pidikkuma? Rajni pidikkuma?" The only question that is going to be of National importance henceforth is "Avan-Ivan padathoda kadhai enna?" May be Neeya Naana Gobinath should put off one special program and get cinema experts to answer this kostan.

Avan-Ivan - Losers ! - 2 out of 5