Trigger

It was sometime in August 2018. I was given the bad news that I was going to have a new boss.

Why bad news? Because I had suffered a bad news called (another) boss had just quit a month earlier and I was quite relieved to be left alone.

It was a Good company. Great friends. Wonderful work. Decent monies. But everything was short-lived. I had had the fortune of reporting to two wonderful people in a span of 2 years. They were kind, motivating and most of all, not insecure. Just when I was wondering why things were going so good, # 3 joined-quit and # 4 joined.

#4 turned out to be a ******. Let's call her Bhelpuri. Bloody insecure woman. The first thing she did was cut me off from all the projects I was working on. Removed me from all meetings. Ensured I wasn't given any new assignments. This went on for 2 months. I even had a conversation in November 2018 on this. I was told everything was going good and that I'd be informed of the work I was going to do. "Why was she acting like a ____ ?" you may ask. You see, this is what happens when you hire people who do nothing beyond hugging their laptops 24*7. They don't sing, They don't dance. They don't read. They have no hobbies. They don't run-walk-cycle. All their lives revolve around work. And if you remove the designations from their names, they are a big zero. And hence insecurity creeps in every time they see someone else take the lead in the team. They scream "CC ME IN EVERY MAIL" , "ADD ME TO ALL SLACK GROUPS" in their mails. Yes, in caps. Yes, that's Bhelpuri for you.

You know there is this thing called 'Gut Feel'. I strongly believe in that . Unfortunately or fortunately even before I begin a new job/ assignment, this 'Gut Feel' comes off like a Nandi to tell me whether it'd work out or things would get go awry. In Bhelpuri's case, the moment I heard the name, this Nandi told me she was bad news.

Cut to December 2018. I had decided to quit the company. But you know the famous saying "Sappathi Saapadra Unakke Ivlo naa, Salna saapadra Naa eppadi iruppen'. Ok it is not a famous saying. Goundamani says this to Shopkeeper Sethji in Gentleman. I was not going to let the Sappathi get the better of me, not for the next 6 months at least.

I decided to wait it out until the dreaded Appraisal time and then quit. Why leave 6 months' salary for a stupid Bhelpuri?  I didn't kizhichify anything for the next 6 months. Bhelpuri was all out to make my life more miserable. I was never a jaalra who'd tag along with the team for free lunches & kudis and laugh for these jokes she made. And hence I was now reduced to a near zero, at work. My work was 1/10th of what I was doing all along. I'd vegetate at work from 11-4 pm and then head back home. It was disturbing. I cut short my work hours to 3 hours not wanting to see that wretched Bhelpuri's face. It didn't help much. I'd come back tired, angry even after 3 hours of work. The thought of helplessness was most unpleasant. I think half of the Mumbai Ola and Uber cab drivers had seen me cry on my way back from work. A lot of them were kind enough to say "Sab theek hojayega"(Everything will be alright). Friends and family would say "Quit your job no?" I wish life was so easy to chumma quit and forget about EMIs and their ishtamithra Bandhus.

I'd speak to the husband often about the office scenario and most often, I'd end up with an "Aprom paathukkalam" (We'll resolve it later) on my own, ending the discussion abruptly. One friend was really really helpful and helped me speak to the super bosses at work, on the situation. They were bigger ***** and did nothing.

Anyway, finally, it was Appraisal time in May 2019. Bhelpuri being the Pammi Aunty she is, sent a badly worded message asking for my appraisal form since I hadn't submitted it. She was so waiting to screw me around that. I sent her the resignation letter instead. I was so thankful it was a no-discussion resignation. I have nothing but gratitude to the husband who suggested  I give zero importance to Bhelpuri and thus mail resignation appdiye. I was most relieved and in 10 days I ran out of the company jumping like Jeetendra. Yabba Saami, Podhumda.

I thought everything was over. On 31st May 2019, I had deleted every trace of the company that I was once a part of. I couldn't care less. You know the thing called 'Trigger'. I hadn't experienced it until then. Every time I saw Bhelpuri's name on Linkedin or any social media, I shuddered. There is this nagging feeling that almost puts me to tears seeing / hearing that name. As recent as sometime in March, I met a dear friend who mentioned her name in passing and I felt it. I still get useless advice from well-meaning people like "Don't talk about her, don't think about her" when I mention this Trigger bit. I just nod my head and move on. No, this thing of going to one therapist and all doesn't work for me to get over this Trigger bit. Zero patience to speak to an unknown person who will give me some homework and writing work and all that to get over this. Romba kashtampa. 

One entire post on my blog on the Bhelpuri itself is too much. Enough hogaya . Go back to your vambu whatsapp groups. I shall head to mine.

PS - Thank you for not messaging me on this. Too much effort to listen to your "I didn't know about this ya.. why didn't you tell me?" 

PPS - What prompted me to write the post was when I saw singer 'Pradeep' trend on twitter. The song 'Life of Ram' (Tamizh) had released just then. And that was my go-to song on my terrible cab drives back home from work. So apt, So peaceful, So on point. Thank you, Karthik Netha, Govind Vasantha and Pradeep. You have no idea how you have helped me.