Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Ra.One

Usually before a film is made, the writer narrates one-line/ story to the director, then screenplay, dialogues are written, Producer found, cast and crew finalized, shooting begins, editing post-production done, marketing begins simultaneously and then gets released after the film has been bought.

In Ra.One, first McDonalds, Youtube, Godrej, Horlicks, Nokia, Playstation, Western Union, Cinthol, Coke, Gopal palpodi, Gopuram Poosu manjal thool, Arasan soap, Susi Emu farms and other famous brands were first assembled, asked to put money in SRK's undiyal and THEN Saaruk, Mushtaq (his jaalra), Anubhav Sinha (yet another jaalra, also director), Karan Jogar (all-time jaalra), Gauri 'Botox' Khan all sat down together and decided to make a film with the kaanikkais received from the above brands based on what the brands stood for.


Aaarrgh.One

Saaruk Kaan is Shekhar + 'Veshti, Angavashtaram, SuruL mudi hair style' Subramanium - gaming designer, husband of Kareena Kapoor (I think her on screen name is Anjali, Pooja or some such thing), doting Appa of a nice cute boy Prateik. Appa designs game with Ra.One, G.one, H.a.r.t and all. Ra.one the bad guy comes alive out of the game trying to kill Prateik. So as per the rule of the Bollywood-Kollywood-Hollywood books, G.one had to come out alive to save Kareena and Prateik. Not just that. G.one is revived by Prateik after putting 'Subam' card so that we have a sequel to Ra.One called Arrgh.One next Deepavali with a new set of sponsors namely Anil Noodles, Jos Alukkas, Poomex Ulladaigal & Kisscol TMT Kambigal.

Crow.One

Its time Kareena Kapoor takes visiting cards of Botox doctors from Gauri Khan. Looks like Ms.Kapoor's dietitian Rujuta 80000-Rupees-a-session Diwekar's 'nutritious' diet does not cover the eyes. Crow feet around the eyes. Kareena kaa kaa kaapoor!

This Arjun Rampal looks like a crow that hasn't been fed for years. I say Kothavaranga looks prettier! This Rampal fellow has no persnaalty, no looks for a villain.One aaatu-daadi. That's all.

Bra.One

Don't know if Shekhar Subramanium wore a poonal in the film but Kareena sure did. What's with the forever bra showing Poonal Saree and Bollywood heroines? It is thanks to these people, these Peddar road mummies and Worli mammas compete with their teenage kids and wear poonal sarees n bum jutting skirts that don't suit them.

Kar.one

The film's title card thanks Karan Johar amongst 25,000 people. I think it is for letting Saaruk use Karan Jogar patented Karwa Chauth, Karwada Chauth in one senti 'humari-husband-humara-fast' type bleddy Bollywood scene.

(RD)Burm.One

Music by Durvasa Munivar aka Vishal Dadlani (if you follow him on twitter you'll know why I call him that) & Shekhar (not Subramanium). Quite like Dildara by Shafqat Amanat Ali. Nandini Sriker's rendition is quite awesome in

Oh yes, let me take this opportunity to plug a dear friend's voice in Chammak Challo. I am glad Hamsika has finally got a big break with this song.

Back to the music of the film by Vishal and Shekhar, ok, no harm idolizing a legend, in this case RD Burman but why do these guys (V&S) end up using RD's tunes as BGMs? They could've tried something totally new as G.one's theme instead of the usual RD type humming.

Bah.One

SRK eats noodles and curd.
SRK saying "Ayyayo", for 'Thank you' , 'Hello', 'Hi', 'Bye' and everything else
SRK acting like a cool dad.
SRK as G.one.
SRK.

Bleddy.One

This fellow called Satish Shah as Mr.Iyer, Saaruk's neighbour predictably goes around with his "Ayyayo, whatijeee" type nonsensical s%^! Wonder where all twitter makkal putting #wearetamils, #wearemaanasthans hashtag ordering people to retweet their tweets are now, as we witness the greatest insult of all time to Tamizh makkal. Would also like to know what A.R.Murugadoss who believes in whatever he wrote about Tamizh makkal being insulted and thrown out all around the world in 7aum Arivu, thinks about the potrayal of 'us' in Ra.One.

Gone

I hereby surrender my membership card as Superstar fan. Greatestestest insult of all time to His fans is Superstar's tundu beedi appearance as Chitti. Horrendous makeup, horrible wig, awful scene placement. I really wonder why He decided to do SRK a favour. It is sad Rajnikant had to stoop down to this level.

Ahaa.one

The kutty payyan Prateik is rombave cute. Watch the film before he makes his next hajjar appearances in the ads of Boom Boom Boomer, Horlicks, Pepsi, Whirlpool washing machine (as Kajol n Ajay Devgn's kid),Gold Winner oil, Chennai silks Children's day special and so on.

SFXes are very good. Sadly there is no story to do justice to the kicka$$ special effects.

HaHa.one

You know these films of the 80s where villains are such caricatures wearing ugly wigs saying "Khoon ke Khilaaf' and some such dialogues? In Ra.one, Dalip Tahil the so-called stylish NRI type actor (ya ya he was a tundu beedi in the 80s Bollywood films) is not exactly a villain, he is not a 'character' actor either. He is one eno-tano wearing the most atrocious wig of all time. And his gestures resemble the guy below...


he he he ! Me thinks Dalip Tahil & Country club fellow - #sameguy

Chee.One

The plot of super-heroes in a game coming out alive and fighting it out could've made a very good story had they paid some attention to it. Not sure how many parents would want their kids to watch a film with crappy jokes, references to that part of the body again and again. Forget kids, it is a pain for us adults to sit thru' the same Karwa Chauth, Mamta, Paribhasha, references to Bhagwat Geeta, Mahatma Gandhi, Pooja, Anjali, Punjabi, (Kareena's)pout, horse face, poonal saree.. Nahin Nahin Nahin!!!!!!

R'ayyayo'ne - 2 out of 5

PS - If you thought I was going to recommend 7-aum Arivu instead, Illai Illai Illai! adhu vera oru kodumainga!

64 Responses:

Ashwath ram said...

This review is definitely entertaining than the movie!

balaji said...

(ROFL)∞

Anonymous said...

Amazing review .. Paavai

AC said...

LOL LOL LOL! Loved your review:) keep it coming:))

Meera said...

Which is why my ticket for Diwali was for Velayutham... But Ra.One was meant to be like this... We saw the chitti scene and felt like slapping Kareena... What was she doing?

Raghavan said...

Yoyr best after VTV!

How do we know said...

what a lovely review.. i m going to share this pronto!

How do we know said...

what a lovely review.. i m going to share this pronto!

How do we know said...

what a lovely review.. i m going to share this pronto!

amas said...

I loved the very last line LOL!
amas32

ashok said...

LOL! Now a days Iam waiting for ur review more than the movie...

dakshinamoorthy said...

of all the reviews yours makes me want to see the movie like "crazy"..

Anonymous said...

LOL :D

Venkat said...

No idea how you take things with the movie.. its been sometime now that the Northern people use the tamil slangs in a differnt way which actually irritates us a lot.. forget north even there are malayalam movies who refers us in a wrong way... Lets not take them and if not taken then it belongs to them only (you know who had said that)...

Am yet to watch these movies and once i do i will come back and post my reply in detail.. thanks.. its a nice mix and match of tamil and english which was really lovely..

Sivaram Kannan said...

Best review and I am laughing out aloud at the office. I am going to add this blog to my google reader.

IKKI said...

ok thanks to u am not gonna watch Rayyoone

Aarti said...

Haha mental review for an equally mental movie!!

Darya said...

Haha Good.One. One must see the film just to read your review!!!

inbavalli said...

Thank God for bad movies. They bring out the best in you :D Please please write your 7the Nonsense review. Cant wait

Amritha said...

I am literally rofl. Then I think about it and laugh some more!

Eshwar Deepak said...

LOL superb review...Hope you give us the reviews of the other two films too...:-)

tongnchic said...

soopperr blogeswari ammal - what temerity to pan the padshah of pollywood

Anonymous said...

There's a Tamil hand in the Ra.One script. The Paavi's name is Niranjan (What wlse?) Iyengar :)

Anonymous said...

I have been seething from the time I saw 15 mins for this STUPID movie... The Gut's of SRK to come to TN ans gather crowd to watch him ridicule tamils.. Vaare Vaah Khaan saab.. Even for you, this is a new LOW!! Whats with Hindi people and Aiyo amma ... Do they think its our trademark or something???
Enjoyed the review..

Rahul Sharma said...

I am sure that the people who are critisizing this movie are the fans of salman khan and amir khan.., Ofcourse this movie is not for those people who have seen the rubbish movie of the year i.e. Bodyguard..! This movie is not for those peoples who wants remake of the south films such as wanted,,ready..! This movie is not for those people who wants tapori acting like dabangg. This movie is for those peoples who knows the science ,, who knows the acting,, who knows the king khan..! And people having MIND OF MODERN INDIA AND WHO IS LIVING IN 21th century,,! RA.ONE IS SUPERB,, CLASSIC,, AMAZING ,, ADORABLE,, NEVER SEEN BEFORE ..! IT WILL BREAK ALL THE RECORDS OF BOX OFFICE INCLUDING RECORDS OF THE RUBBISH MOVIE OF THE YEAR i.e. Bodyguard and some class movies such as 3 idiots , my name is khan, ddlj, kkhh..!

Vidya said...

Enjoyed your review...If it can reach SRK it will be a great work...let these people stop looking down south for aiyo....and curd..For a matter of word...most technical work of the movie is done from south...Hats off to you...

Anonymous said...

@vidya U jealous.. First u people learn how to eat, speak n wear clothes then start giving reviews.. Aiyyo people.. Can't digest the reality

Anonymous said...

I think I'm a little bit in love with you ....

Aravind said...

ROTFL!!! Whattey amazing review.... My dad and I sat read this together and enjoyed it :D

This.One beats your Avan Ivan review :D

ssstoryteller said...

LOL, super review, not seen the movie, but know i am going to enjoy with yr lens on:)

zack hards said...

semma comedy. !! ROFLMAO

Batoolr said...

Hilarious review! Love it!

Batoolr said...

Hilarious! Loved reading the comment
:)

Divya said...

Amazing review.... :)

Appandai Raj said...

Ultimate review!! ROFL :D

Jay Subramanyam said...

How people waste time in writing such utter crap..

Anonymous said...

@JAy SUBRAMANYAM : This Utter Crap can be written only for Crap movies like Ra-One..Waste of money

Radha said...

Awesome comment.. :D tooo good.. I am sure to share this...

Roy Thomas said...

Hmmm..bloody SRK..its waste one 2/10 and 7am arivu 6/10 and velaayudham 7/10..Actually 7th sense script not good,first 15 minutes you will feel like a commentary!!anyway your review rocks..Plz,I have a request-change your theme to the new design..use new fonts,your posts will seen better then(I mean visuals)!!

G!r!$h said...

Kach(Ra).One :)

i_do_care said...

Super Ma!!!!!! Dhool Ma!!! Pichchi Nool Akite Ma!! Ekhum Hi Bahtareen.. Ekdum hi Amaaazing type that ye.. ij the too goods.. 10 out of 5 for the review!!!

Sathish Anand said...

You forgot about the "paithiyakaaraa, paithiyakaara" BGM during Sharuk intro in Hindi version. Don't know what they think about us. Idiots.

Rahul said...

Loved it. If a spider bite can turn a nerd to spidy, what is a problem if a game brings out a superhero. Tell me one thing - what is expected from a superhero movie? 1. Great action between the Hero and Villain. 2. Great visual effect. 3. Action packed cinematography, thrill and suspense. I would say that Ra.One is a sincere effort with a mixture of all these. It might not be as great as a visual treat like Hollywood movies, but I would certainly appreciate the efforts by the entire cast and crew making it the first of its kind in Bollywood. Where is the scope of acting in these kind of movies? The humour added was definitely mature content in a few ocassions, but the end result was enjoyable. Chammak Challo was great, action, VFX were good. Please enjoy the movie keeping in mind that SRK could afford less than 1/10th of what movies Avatar,Terminator or Spiderman could . Dont keep any expectation of storyline and acting since its out of scope and enjoy the 3d version. You would love it.

Anonymous said...

Aiyooo Aiyooo look at first what you ppl made and then start comparing about SRK movie… that non sense endhiran (rajnikanth’s movie) with bimbooo aishwarya

RAVI said...

First of all, the very idea of thiruttu story line(Shankaridam sutta one line) snatched my interest in watching the movie...And,I'm enjoying reading such reviews which do piece pieceaa kizhuchufying ! SRK...what do you think of SHANKAR ?! Can you match him with all these anubhavamillaadha sinhaas ?

Anonymous said...

7am arivu reviews please

anitha shalini said...

Oh GOD ROFL!! You are too good at this! I just discovered your blog lastnight via twitter and decided to check it out today on the pc. Going to have a lot of fun catching up on all your posts! Keep them coming.

Subha said...

I really enjoyed reading this Blog. Keep Writting. I prefer reading this blog than watching Sharuk/KA KA REENA on the screen:-)

ceokarthik said...

Thanks for saving me from the torture

Anonymous said...

Too muchu time pass I did at work today! Read about 70% of your blog. Romba too much I say! Nandri for keeping me seemingly busy on a Friday when I wanted to do no work :D

Deepa said...

Sent 3 comments but they dont show up. Something wrong with blogger. Here is my 3rd one.
Thanks for putting Kareena in place. Wasnt her first ever hit Jab we Met? Now everyone is B'wood thinks they "need" to praise her. She deserves the 2 line mention in your review. You warmed my heart.:-)
Caricaturing Tamilians again? Well, they need to show him as a Tamilian to prove that he had the brains to make that kind of game. Laugh at us Raascalas, you can't do without us.

Krithika said...

Hilarious review! Please go easy on "Vettai"-love Maddy and romba valikkum-idhayam-ippadi 'harsh'aah review ezhudhinaal...

Anonymous said...

Excellent! Waiting for review on 7 am Arivu and Velayudham.

Sneha Gopal said...

Semma writing! had so much fun reading it...

Anonymous said...

its a grand review. but dont worry about the superstar's role. it is not him. it is a dupe. if you read all the news about this you will notice that shah rukh or rajini himself never claimed of rajini acting in the film. all this was carefully created rumours. it is just not him. how do i know for sure? dude... i work in movies; and i was involved in the hyderabad schedule of this film when that fight was shot.

Priyaworld said...

Blogeshwari...you're too funny!! Ha ha ...what was that? Ah yes, Poonal Saree...ultimate!!

Anonymous said...

Had a real good laugh! thanks !

♪♪Happy Go Lucky♪♪ said...

Hahahahha!! I cannot stop laughing!!
I've had a north indian overdose. And your post was an awesome antidote with karan jogar and gopal palpudi and everything!
I want to read every post on your blog now!!

♪♪Happy Go Lucky♪♪ said...

This post was so funy, I came back to read it again.
You know, I watched 7Aum Arivu and Ra.One back to back.
7aum arivu in the afternoon, Ra.one night show.
First day that too.

Anonymous said...

There are subtle common factors between Tom cruise and shah rukh khan . As you mentioned both seek the sponsors first before deciding or even start thinking about the story. Both makes audicious movies and predictable plots.Both have silly comedy snaps in their movies. But one thing is that in Hollywood block busters, the stunts and action scenes are original .

One day , Shah rukh was bored and was sitting on the couch and browsing the channels then he came across a movie in HBO . Wow . Awesome . Arnold in Last Action hero where characters come real out of movies. Super . I wanted to do such a movie. Lets change the plot a little and put in video game . Yes thats the story now lets do it . I am also a sci fi hero . This is the birth of RA ONE. Little did he realized or knew that Last Action Hero bombed out of the box office so badly and so did RA ONE. Idhiku peru thaan ee adichaan kaapi.

PS Arjun said...

I don't think it was Super-star who did the CHITTI, but a body double who don't know who the Super-Star is.
Super-Star's awesome body language is missing, its 100% sure it was not him. That is not the way he walks or move.

Thoughtbubbles said...

Awesome. Just outrageously funny. I just came across your blog.Hence the de--layed comment. Waiting for something on other new movies.

Thoughtbubbles said...

Awesome. Very very funny. How about something on this year's great movies.

Unknown said...

semma kalaaai Blogeshwari ... About thalaivar's cameo - It wasn't really him. It was a graphically recreated bu Red Chilli's VFX team & Rajini apparently did only the MoCap for it.

http://daily.bhaskar.com/article/ENT-exclusive-srk-fools-rajinikanths-fans-in-ra-2529068.html