Policy

You know what's kadi-er than attending a wedding ceremony ? The thought of attending a series of functions that follow a wedding in the coming months - seemandham, valaikaappu (both, forms of Godhbharai) punyavajanam (naming ceremony of a baby), Ayush homam (baby's first birthday), then baby no.2's naming ceremony, birthdays and so on.

Here's a little secret that even husband does not know (Now he will when he reads this post). Was a happy independent professional for almost 7 years doing some vetti freelance work. That also meant representing the family (that is the spouse and I ) for all functions of the extended family on week days. Spouse was travelling a lot on work and to his luck all these mega boring functions would happen only on week days. Since I was a 'freelancer' and could decide when I wanted to work, I had to be there at Vashi, Thane and other parts of the world that required a minimum two hours of travel for these 'functions' sitting there putting one smile waiting for the food to be served. And unfortunately as Tamizh culture demands, in these smaller functions, the ladies always eat after the first pandhi & second pandhi are over when maamas, extended mamaas and neighborhood thathas eat for a minimum 1 hour. What a bore to wait for your turn and what a bore-est to help people serve when you are bleddy hungry yourself! 

Anyway, that's when I decided to take up something full time. No jokes. Really was tired of going for the 'functions'. And a full-time job in media meant giving the best excuse possible - "Recording on Sunday" "Shoot on Saturday" and so on. And since the extended family even now has no clue on what I do at work (neither do I), it became semma easy for me to bunk.

The mega bore function and the mother of all Kadis  is the wedding. Given a chance, the husb would happily bunk off . But ha ha vidhi vilayadifyes always and the Seniorest citizen of his family would call him a dozen times reminding re-reminding, putting letter and couriering invite for the function. Bwahahaha! Thankfully food is never a problem at these marriage functions. You sit off in the first pandhi itself. The aruvai bit is sitting around doing polite conversation with people on the same old topic of What I do (in life), the weather in Bombay, questions on Madhavan's next film (who is bothered?) and so on till the Taali is kattufyed. A couple of wedding ceremonies happened on week days and I was thrilled! Bunking was never a problem. But people are getting smarter and smarter. A couple just like us in the family I guess also started giving similar excuses bunking these wedding functions. So, the Seniorest Citizen mama took a stand and ended up fixing wedding dates on Sundays. Baah! That means putting full attendance for Saturday and Sunday. And it is increasingly becoming difficult to give those "working on both days" excuse for me.

Met a Delhi-based friend recently and he too has this problem of attending weddings of extended family and friends. But pal is super smart. According to him, whoever pressurizes him to attend a wedding, he announces his "policy" to them, the policy being he never attends weddings. Recently his wife travelled from Delhi to Gwalior for a wedding. He did travel with her but didn't go for the wedding. Opted to stay at the hotel, do some good bit of site seeing at Gwalior and drove her back to Delhi. 

Think it's a fantastic idea to make a list of policies for one self and publish online. My draft (work in progress) reads

-> Won't attend Weddings, Valakappus, Seemandhams, Gruhapraveshams, Ayush homams of ex..tended families.

-> Will avoid picnics / trips / movie outings where friends insist on bringing their mothers, school-time friends, twitter pals and kids.

-> Won't wait for the first and second pandhi to be over at functions (if at all I attend) and then have food

-> Will put #onetightslap to all those asking questions on "Starting a family" 

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Glossary

1. Kadi - Aruvai, Blade, Bore to the power of 100

2. Vashi, Thane - 'Oragadam' of Bombay

3. Vidhi Vilayadifies - Fate plays game

4. Taali - The one the wife worships everyday taking His blessings. No, not huspand.. It is the Mangalsutra

5. Seniorest Mama- The one who says "Enna late-a?" when you attend a Vashi based function at 7.30 am on a Sunday.