TASHAN

Are there terms better than 'worst film' , 'debacle' ,'disaster', ‘bakhwaas’ 'doobakoor' , 'aruvai / rambham' to describe the most disastrouslytrashybakwaas film ever made? Please help. I need one term that could describe this ^%^%&$%*% called Tashan.

THE BEGINNING

Even before the film commences, you are thrusted with an overdose of soon-to-be-releasing Yash Raj films' trailers - Roadside Romeo, Thoda Pyaar-Thoda Magic etc. all starting with Dadasaheb Phalke Award winner Crow didi who does her 'aaaaah....' when the Yash raj films' logo appears. Jai Maharashtra! Jai Crow didi!

STORY

C-grade Bhojpuri film's story with Anil Kapoor, Saif Ali Khan, Akshay Kumar and Kareena kapoor.

DIALOGUES

Gaalis like B!+$%^ , M@@ #e^%^, done-to-death supposedly comedy stuff like “Bhaiyyaji Khush-hojaying, meeting the peoples” etc which are maha boring.

ART

I guess Yash Raj films ran out of money paying huge sums to the stars that they didn’t have money to spend for Art department. So they decided to put up a shoddy structure at Film city, Goregaon, Mumbai and shoot shoddier stuff there.

STUNTS

Peter hein has pretty much copied most of his stunts from Thalaivar’s SIVAJI THE BOSS. Watch out… rather don’t watch out for the action sequence at a Rajasthan Fort which is a huge disaster. But they outdo themselves and prove that they can be worse! The climax action sequence T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E!

WHAT THE MATTER?

There’s no matter in the film – that’s the matter. We all know that Hindi films are generally trash and rare films like 'Taare zameen par' and 'Rang de basanti' get released once in four years. But Tashan is total rubbish even by Hindi film standards. So you can imagine how terriblytrashysick it could be.

ACTORS

In how many more films are we going to see Saif ali khan talking to the camera saying “Hey C’mon yaar…” Kareena kapoor sure looks hot with her size zero, slim figure and all that. But her pout bugs you. Akshay kumar’s chemistry with kareena is much better than kareena and saif's romantic scene. These try too hard to look romantic. Anil kapoor – Sir, I am glad that you have finally stopped looking like a bear, but sorry now you look like a wildebeest.

CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN?

Why does Kareena dance in her bikini for Chaliya Chaliya when she is supposed to be on the banks of Ganga, immersing her dad’s ashes? And what’s with Akshay-Kareena’s bacchpan ka zamaana scenes? God help us!

MUSIC

'Dil dance maaare' is a super peppy dappanguthu 1980 style number. The title track is peppy and hummable. 'Chaliya chaliya' is so typically… Hindi (read: boring) and Sukhwinder’s other solo number sounds like you have heard it a zillion times in the same style.

BUT THERE'S HOPE

Surprise, surprise! There's no Shahrukh Khan in the film! And for a bigger surprise (relief) -No Amitabh Bacchan too! No Amitabh's voice-over, no abhishek bacchan in a surprise-groom's role, no Shahrukh Khan guest appearance. That's some relief!

I have this gut feel that Yash Raj films will use all its pulling and pushing under the table and before you realise, TASHAN will be the official nominee from India, for the Oscars next year.

SO WHY DID BLOGESWARI DECIDE TO GO FOR THE FILM…

…despite umpteen warnings from well-wishers /press/ public? You see, I work for this super-duper organization that believes in pampering its employees. They believe that we will need to watch films, read blogs, write blogs that’d help improve our creativity (ha! Now you know what I do at work the whole day). So we get these ultra cool movie passes every week that are valid for six months wherein you get to watch any film of your choice at a particular chain of multiplexes. And today, my vettiness quotient was at its peak , so I decided to drag another vetti, and we all the way to this theatre to watch what I call...

T[R]ASHAN – ADITYA CHOPRA KI AAG ! (Thank you Mr. Mawwali, my dear friend for giving me this last line )