Sunday, December 14, 2008

Rab Ne Bana di Jodi

I should have known...when, for an 8:30 pm show my purushan left at 7:45 to buy tickets and came back with a jubilant smile + 2 tickets (Rs.120 each - boohooo!) from a neighbourhood multiplex... I should have known that we were going to suffer three hours of a torture called RNABCDEFGH whatever!

ISHTORY-ji

One sodabutti called Surinder-ji (paavi Saaruk kaaan) works with Punjab Power and gets married to a much younger Taani-ji (Anushka Sharma) when Taani's groom dies in an accident on the day of their shaadi. Taani-ji is all upset with the marriage and azhuvaachi 'coz saccha pyaar ek baar hota hai aur friendship aur kuch kuch bhi aur mohabbat bhi ek baar ki pyaar mein khojata hai kinda Yash Chopra - Karan Johar-ish nonsense..

Surinder-ji wants to win Taani-ji's love and takes the avtar of Raj (Padupaavi Saaruk AYYAYYO!) with a tight t-shirt, cool chain (Double Ayyayo!) - yes yes the same Kuch kuch vaanti hota hai look. Raj joins the dance school where Taani-ji has enrolled herself to do some Shiamak Davar exercises. Taani-ji falls in love with Raj and Surinder-ji is upset. Confused? So are we... so is Aditya Chopra... his father... his vetti brother and many others! Welcome to RNBDJ affectionately called as Rab Ne Bana di Jodi.

Dei...ji!

Surinder-ji becomes Raj-ji and Taani-ji cannot recognize him...This is creativity at its best. Taanji is one homely Punjabi kudi at home making chappathi but becomes pant shirt ponnattha in her dance class, oor suthifies with Raj, sings dances and all that. Which Indian homely ladki does all this ya? say me... Abacharamji!

Suddenly with the help of Vinay Pathak-ji 's hair salon Surinder-ji becomes Raj-ji in exactly five minutes and comes back to the salon to have drinks and talk about Saccha Pyaarji Mohabbat ko jootaa aur Rabji ne friendship ki jodiji...

Let us go and have Sojji Bajji at this point - Interval.

Enna mannichidunga-ji

At eggjactly half time I plead and beg of my 'ji' so that we can leave the theatreji and go home. "We have only seen the film for Rs.60-ji... let's complete the rest Rs.60-ji...recessionji... don't waste moneyji" said aathukaarar-ji with a wicked smileji.

Rest of the jis

Anushka Sharma as Taani-ji is pretty, nice smile and all that - good saas bahu material - Ekta-ji, she is all yours!

Vinay Pathak-ji - one number boring typecast as a typical Punjabi the munda. Mundam, to be precise!

Extra-jis

One call from Adi-ji - The Preitys, Kajols, Bipashas and Laras come falling to do a thundu beedi
dance role. There's one utterly horrible number sung by Sonu Nigam has Saaruk kaan dancing with the above heroines in different sequences. Ofcourse the final sequence belongs to Aditya Chopraji's lauvv girl Rani Mukherjiji with one proud "naan inda veetu marumagal" look. Preity Zinta is all set to compete with Hemamalini and Sharmila Tagore in playing Amitabh Bachchan's wife. Preityji looks Paattiji.

Songs , dance and other nonsensejis

Take one number Salim-Suleiman, add a Sukhwinder with a definite Punjabi number, one Shreya Ghoshal and Roopkumar Rathod for a islow number, Sunidhi chauhan-ish kudiye, makhnave kinda song and you have a Yash raj album ready! Dance sequences choreographed by Vaibhavi Merchant and PT exercise master Shiamak Davar.

Surprise-ji

No Abhishek Bachchan in guest role as Taani-ji's boyfriend , No Amitabh Bachchan as Amritsar Panchayat board president giving advice to young couples along with wife Hemamaliniji and surprise surprise NO KIRRON KHER as Saaruk Khan's amma feeding him gajar ka halwa saying "lo ji puttar.... rab ne rabdi nahi diya" kinda nonsense.

Worseji

What's worse than having kids in the theatre, screaming, pushing your seat with their feet ? Having - Punjabi kids in the theatre screaming and pushing your seat with their feet! Ayyayo! If three Punjabi ladies behind us were bad enough , imagine three Punju women, four Punju kids behind us and a Punju film on screen. It was not our dayji!

Rab we Met

At the end of a painful two hours, all you hear is "Jo Rab hai woh Pati hai... " "Jo Pati hota hai woh Rab ki baat hai" "Rab jo hai woh Tub hai" for almost half an hour - You end up in a Mab-bbu after the torturous Rab-bu dialogues.

This is a film whose length is at the max. one hour. Adi-ji and team stretch it like a bubble gum and it goes on and on like the kesari they serve in Yashraj canteen.

Rab Ne Bana di Bore -.5 (that's a minus point five) out of 5. Don't go anywhere close to the theatre. Sheer torture it is!

25 Responses:

Apps said...

hahaha... super review ma... thx for saving my 500 Rs ( how come you get to watch for Rs 60 only ?) and precious precious time :)

kaushik said...

Ha ha...beautiful ji...kya review ji...Ha ha ha ..i cant stop laughing...

Quiet contradicting to what you said, i read couple of good reviews...

anantha said...

bade bade deson mein ji, aisi kuchi kuchi votha hai ji! :D

Saarukkan vaazhga :D

GB said...

Hindi movies make me violent. How you went for this movie men. And I'm very tired of this Aamir Khan's motta thala. I wish he'd stop appearing on TV. Him and his narrow lanes on the head look. Thu.

Ramji said...

Aweeeesome review! Saved me 40 bucks(pirated DVD). When is Saarug Khan getting back to TV(Fauji ishtyle) so that we are saved the torture of his movies and posters in the cinema halls?!?!?!

Oracle said...

Person above me is Ramji...I am Balaji!

Wat a coincidence Ji :)

Vichu said...

Semma Rousu.....
gum gum review.....will be regular henceforth....

.:dYNo:. said...

Wow... What a way to start my day laughing like a maniac! Wonderful write-up and I'll remember not to watch it in theaters!

a4isms said...

I thought it was hilarious.... but your review is far better...

These Hindi philmi females must be batty! the husband shears off the 'Mooch' but stutters and hams in the same manner.... yet she can't recognize who he is???

Proto.in said...

Blogeshwari ji your reviews never disappoint!. super! my pati ji and i are addicted to your reviews ji.

Proto.in said...

hey! my comments were posted under the name of proto.in.. how? ...shalu

umm oviya said...

bubby, i LIKED the movie a lot! :)

buddy said...

hilarious review!

Bee'morgan said...

ooooh.. :) too good a review ji.. :-) and congrats ji.. :-)

Artnavy said...

thanks for saving my time

SRK looks like a bad imitation of Amol palekar in the promo

i will go and watch prespolis if it is still running or u have a review of that??

wordjunkie said...

hilarious! film sounds like Rab-bish..
senseless plot, ridiculous stereotypes, including a song with the Yashraj groupies, God even - sadly, but definitely, a hit!

shree said...

super hai blogeswariji

Anonymous said...

-Been a very long time since I laughed so hard. Was like talking to my contemporaries... especially stuff like 'Rab-' and 'Mabbu'

Great sense of humour u got !
-dk

SloganMurugan said...

poor u

PRG said...

I never miss to read your past on film reviews.....Especially I scroll down to see how u have concluded the review.

yeh ji bahut acchaa ji.....

PRG said...

sorry that was post .......

Lavs said...

I am laughing like a maniac trying hard not to wake up my 6month old son....your review is too good..will add you to my reader pronto..keep up the good work!

Annan Guevara said...

You seem to have preconceived contempt for anything remotely Hindi. Are you related to Karuna and Family

Harini Sridharan said...

ha ha ha... hillarious-ji (and an apt) review-ji!

shahrukh123 said...

Hi,
I am Shahrukh Khan, the king of Bollywood.
Catch me on http://www.shahrukhkhan.eu for lates movie and video.

SRK
Shah Rukh Khan


Shahrukh Khan | Bollywood
SRK | www shah rukh khan
kingkhan | bollywood king




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