TASHAN

Are there terms better than 'worst film' , 'debacle' ,'disaster', ‘bakhwaas’ 'doobakoor' , 'aruvai / rambham' to describe the most disastrouslytrashybakwaas film ever made? Please help. I need one term that could describe this ^%^%&$%*% called Tashan.

THE BEGINNING

Even before the film commences, you are thrusted with an overdose of soon-to-be-releasing Yash Raj films' trailers - Roadside Romeo, Thoda Pyaar-Thoda Magic etc. all starting with Dadasaheb Phalke Award winner Crow didi who does her 'aaaaah....' when the Yash raj films' logo appears. Jai Maharashtra! Jai Crow didi!

STORY

C-grade Bhojpuri film's story with Anil Kapoor, Saif Ali Khan, Akshay Kumar and Kareena kapoor.

DIALOGUES

Gaalis like B!+$%^ , M@@ #e^%^, done-to-death supposedly comedy stuff like “Bhaiyyaji Khush-hojaying, meeting the peoples” etc which are maha boring.

ART

I guess Yash Raj films ran out of money paying huge sums to the stars that they didn’t have money to spend for Art department. So they decided to put up a shoddy structure at Film city, Goregaon, Mumbai and shoot shoddier stuff there.

STUNTS

Peter hein has pretty much copied most of his stunts from Thalaivar’s SIVAJI THE BOSS. Watch out… rather don’t watch out for the action sequence at a Rajasthan Fort which is a huge disaster. But they outdo themselves and prove that they can be worse! The climax action sequence T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E!

WHAT THE MATTER?

There’s no matter in the film – that’s the matter. We all know that Hindi films are generally trash and rare films like 'Taare zameen par' and 'Rang de basanti' get released once in four years. But Tashan is total rubbish even by Hindi film standards. So you can imagine how terriblytrashysick it could be.

ACTORS

In how many more films are we going to see Saif ali khan talking to the camera saying “Hey C’mon yaar…” Kareena kapoor sure looks hot with her size zero, slim figure and all that. But her pout bugs you. Akshay kumar’s chemistry with kareena is much better than kareena and saif's romantic scene. These try too hard to look romantic. Anil kapoor – Sir, I am glad that you have finally stopped looking like a bear, but sorry now you look like a wildebeest.

CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN?

Why does Kareena dance in her bikini for Chaliya Chaliya when she is supposed to be on the banks of Ganga, immersing her dad’s ashes? And what’s with Akshay-Kareena’s bacchpan ka zamaana scenes? God help us!

MUSIC

'Dil dance maaare' is a super peppy dappanguthu 1980 style number. The title track is peppy and hummable. 'Chaliya chaliya' is so typically… Hindi (read: boring) and Sukhwinder’s other solo number sounds like you have heard it a zillion times in the same style.

BUT THERE'S HOPE

Surprise, surprise! There's no Shahrukh Khan in the film! And for a bigger surprise (relief) -No Amitabh Bacchan too! No Amitabh's voice-over, no abhishek bacchan in a surprise-groom's role, no Shahrukh Khan guest appearance. That's some relief!

I have this gut feel that Yash Raj films will use all its pulling and pushing under the table and before you realise, TASHAN will be the official nominee from India, for the Oscars next year.

SO WHY DID BLOGESWARI DECIDE TO GO FOR THE FILM…

…despite umpteen warnings from well-wishers /press/ public? You see, I work for this super-duper organization that believes in pampering its employees. They believe that we will need to watch films, read blogs, write blogs that’d help improve our creativity (ha! Now you know what I do at work the whole day). So we get these ultra cool movie passes every week that are valid for six months wherein you get to watch any film of your choice at a particular chain of multiplexes. And today, my vettiness quotient was at its peak , so I decided to drag another vetti, and we all the way to this theatre to watch what I call...

T[R]ASHAN – ADITYA CHOPRA KI AAG ! (Thank you Mr. Mawwali, my dear friend for giving me this last line )

Saappaturaami -4

I am not a great fan of Northie food especially in restaurants. But Dum Pukht's (ITC Grand Maratha, Andheri east) Dal Bukhara is something that you can die for. Better aaf and I were there last week to celebrate the annual 'Big boss' letter'. The moment you are in, arrives a plate of sliced onions and green chutneys which you can have all day long.

There are few options for vegetarians (as always), so its always Dal Bukhara, mixed kababs and roti /naans for us. The butter naan was out of the world oozing with butter. Mixed kababs is a platter with potatoes, capsicum, cauliflower, panneer (which we avoided) and onions. We were so full at the end of our meal that I had to avoid desserts (cha!).

The Dum Pukht interiors aren't all that great nor is the seating any comfortable. But you get the best Dal in town! yummmm!I want to have lunch now.... for breakfast!

A meal for two costs about....er.... well, why bother? Go there only if you can bill your company for it or if your boss decides to pay!

Saappaturaami rating: 4.5 out of 5

Coming soon... Saappaturaami 5 ->It's all about the three musketeers.

Parattai engira Blogeswari - 2

(continued from my earlier post)

Post 2000- there was a new revolution in Mumbai started by the Dilshad, Adhuna, Nalini Yasmin etc. They would do the same cut that a Royal Salooon would give you. The only difference here was....
a) the owners of these salons had an impressive client list - Aamir khan, saarukh khan which implied that Gauri khan, farah khan and 200 other people used to get their hair 'styled' by Dilshad, Adhuna etc.
b) the other hair cutters who worked there were women who had pink and green hair,
c) who chewed bubble gum all the time,
d) who had a hip(pie) look,
e) took 45 minutes to cut three or four extra strands,
f) talk to you about the latest party in town, about your career etc.
g) have a minimum of 5 weird tattoos all over their body

So anyone who would walk into their salons would automatically assume that they were being 'styled' well. Ofcourse all these came for a huge price... a hairstyle for me - i.e. making my boy cut shorter by another inch was something close to Rs.500/= way back in 2001.

Oflate, another hair cutter has joined this group: Sapna Bhavnani. Her claim to fame is
a )Dhoni comes to her salon 'Mad-o-Wot' everytime he is in Mumbai.
b) She writes about her 3rd husband, 23rd ex boyfriend,54th cigarette of the day and her 74th tattoo in a tabloid, every week +
read all points (b) to (g) in the paragraph above. Two months ago, I bumped into an acquaintance on a fine Monday morning. She looked as if she just had a fist fight / kuzhayadi sandai. Her hair looked as if someone had pulled it during a fight. Just when I was about to ask if all was ok with her, she stared at me for about two minutes and asked if she looked 'different' and even before I could say anything our pal said "I had a hair cut...".I had to say "nice...". Madam took over "Ask me who cut my hair...Sapna bhavnani!! cool na!" and walked off without even waiting for my response. A month later, met yet another just-out-of-kuzhayadi-sandai hairdo girl. Kinda avoided eye contact with her to avoid the same embarrassment (for me) but couldn't escape for long. Same question-> "Do I look different?" Same answer-> "well... nice" and yes, the same-> "Sapna Bhavnani... nice na?" What's with Sapna bhavnani? Does she take a vow every morning that she will make atleast 5 people's hairstyles disastrous?

Now let us talk about something more disastrous - My hair style. A few years ago, when I officially entered the kalyana market scene, my dad would meet all prospective guys' parents and the first thing he would tell them (even before jaadagams were exchanged ) was "You see, my daughter has short hair... hope it is ok with you... You see, because it is easier to manage during her (film)shoots, you see..."! Thankfully, I was lucky enough to be married into a Tam-Brahm family which did not insist on long hair, mookutti, metti, varalakshmi viradam, yearly madisar sessions, "samaikka teriyuma?" etc. Out of sheer enthu-ness to look a li'l lady like on my wedding day, I did grow my hair a bit for three months and tolerated those irritating strands falling on my neck in peak summer. Thankfully, the first person post wedding who told me "unakku long hair nanna suit aagalai... cut pannidu" (long hair does not suit you, please cut it!) was my m-i-l! Even before I stepped into my mamiyar veedu a.k.a sasuraal I went straight for a cutting and vetting.

Over the last few years, my hip hair salon experiments have included straightening, boy cut, baaf cut, step cut, mushroom cut etc etc. ranging from Rs.200/= to Rs.4000/= These days, I am back to my good old cutting and vetting. This time its Geetha- One fundu hair cutter - She may not have given me a great hairstyle but the best part about her is - No tattoogiri, no pink and green hair, no asking "Aren't you doing something for your hair? It's so.....dry" kinda nonsense. I walk in.She asks me "So which cut would you like?"My usual response "Please make it short...thank you". One cutting and vetting... matter over in ten minutes.

Glossary

kuzhayandi sandai - a famous battle for water on the streets of Chennai

kalyana market - marriage mandi

Varalakshmi viradam - 1/2 a karwa chauth (you fast only for half a day for your hujband)

madisar - nauvari sari

Baaf cut - Bob cut!

Parattai engira Blogeswari

I have always sported a short hairdo.When I was a kid Royal Saloooon in Madras, our family barber was paid a visit atleast once in two months along with my uncle and it was oru cutting and vetting - matter over in 5 minutes. One of my aunts started calling me 'Sona' after Jayapradha's character in the film Ninaithaley Inikkum in which she had a short haircut.

In school we had compulsory pinnal which meant oiled hair, centre parting with two (invisible) pinnals and bright parrot green colour ribbons. When I was 12 or so, I started feeling a little awkward at Royal Salooon, being the only woman customer amidst hajaar men and thus started my first visit to the parlour. I walked into a parlour near my place and one of the parlour ladies asked me "Baby, which cut you want?" I vividly remember my answer, "Which cut will suit me, that cut you do!"... he he he. So matter was over in ten minutes.

After that, every haircut was a huge exercise - not at the parlour, but at home. Dad firmly believed that short hair was a strict no-no for tam-brahm maamiyars who had strict 'No entry' boards for baaf- cut marumagals. So I had to sneak in everytime I entered home after the baaf cut. But the smart man that my dad is, he would get to know about the great sin I had committed and hence would stop talking to me for sometime... well... days! All for a simple baaf cut. Surprisingly Amma was quite ok with baaf cuts. She was happy that her daughter(s) did what she couldn't.

During my initial days in Mumbai, I used to walk in to anything that had a 'Parlour' signboard outside. Wasn't too worried about Step cut, stair cut etc. Was more interested in cutting the extra strands of hair that'd come till the neck and irritate the hell out of me especially in summers.

Post 2000- there was a new 'hair' revolution in Mumbai thanks to Dilshad, Adhuna, Nalini Yasmin etc. They are the so-called hair stylists who did the same job as my good Royal Salooon. But the difference with these was....

[this post is turning out to be longer than what I had expected it to be.. will post the second part in a few days]

Glossary:

• Parattai - a local rowdy's character immortalized by Superstar Rajnikant in the film '16 vayadinile' ; Parattai also means a weird hairdo.
• Salooon - My family's term for a Salon
• Vetting - Cutting
• Pinnal - Braid
• Baaf cut - ... is a baaf cut!
• Maamiyar - Mother-in-law
• Marumagal - opposite of the above

Saappaturaami -3

What's a 100th post on the blog without a tamizh touch, I say? Here we go... Saappaturaami 3 is all about namma ooru saappadu.

Having heard raving reviews about the Soueeth Indian food here from friends and colleagues, I expected a rocking tam-brahm saappadu at Banana Leaf, Four Bungalows, Andheri west. I was hugely disappointed.

While we waited for more than hour for our seats at Banana leaf on a crowded, hot Sunday afternoon, we decided to order something to drink. The Mango panna that I had ordered for turned out to be thick and creamy - something like a milkshake..eeyyuck!

The interiors of the Banana leaf were quite tastefully done with sketches from (what looked like) The Malgudi Days. The menu card was more like a book with hajjaar items. As part of the menu, were the thaali, kaalan, olan, kullan, sullan etc, puliccha (!) saadam, elumichai saadam, idli, appam, dosai, pongal etc. I was maha famished after having skipped my Sunday brunch for this saapadu. So the obvious choice was the unlimited South Indian thaali.

The thaali comprised of a small utthapam, vadai, sambhar, rasam, koottu, some jaggery-mixed-mallu-fyed dish, appalam, rice, pickle, thayir pacchadi, aappam/parrota / neer dosa /chapati, dessert. The neer dosa was ok but the rasam / sambhar were very sad. The kootu /kaalan/olan types did taste fine but what spoilt the look of the thaali was the bleddy paneer gravy dish. Since when did we Soueeth indians adopt this chewy, punju-fyed paneer as our cuisine? Yes.This is what I hate. In the name of appeasing all and sundry (yes yes the Gujjus and the Punjus) these people serve us fusion food which is neither here nor there. Along with the thaali was Aamras (Mango pulp) which was my favourite. hmm, the worsht of all - rice was not cooked fully! arrgh... most of these Shetty restaurants in Mumbai serve half-cooked rice and it was sad to see a restaurant like Banana leaf which claimed to serve genuine South Indian food, serve half-cooked rice. The only solace - the pricing. Unlimited thaali priced at Rs.200/= which is very very reasonable for a restaurant like this.

Saappaturaami rating : 3 out of 5 (bad service, waiters with stinking armpits, paneer dish in a south indian thaali, half cooked rice....the list is endless)

Saappaturaami-2

I used to get my lunch delivered from home to office through the ever reliable dabbawallah. One fine day, I got tired of the same roti, sabzi and tried to experiment... For a week I survived on Subway sandwiches (couldn't take it after a day), office pantry khichdi (bearable.. only for two days), pantry sandwich (aiyyoo!), all the Shri Krishnas, Shettys and Jai Hinds of the world (I was broke after three days- thanks to my doctor visits thereafter!). Then came Krishnani aunty who delivers home made lunch. 3 rotis, dal, sabzi and rice... office-delivered. But the oily sabzis in micro-mini portions became unbearable after two days. For a few at work, who placed orders for her 'diet dabbas' from aunty got idlis for lunch!! ha ha ha...along with gulab jamun for dessert! So it was bye bye to Krishnani aunty.

VITAL FOODS
Sometime back, I had read about this dabba-waali from Andheri called Sunali who supplies healthy lunch to all the saas-es, bahus, Tulsis and Parvatis of the (K)ekta kapoor's serial world, at the film studios. In yet an attempt to be part of the elite socialite (I am a tamizh 'foodie', remember?), I decided to try out Shunali's Vital foods.
Vital foods is not exactly a diet dabba.. it is more a health dabba. Don't get it? Neither do I. The dabba consists of four rotis / rice, dal, sabzi, salad / snack, juice/ chaas - in neatly sealed disposable containers. And this, can customized to your requirements / dietary restrictions. My specifications include no paneer (hate it)/ rice (puts me to sleep)/ add more curd or chaas whenever possible. Some of my friends get brown rice instead of white, some get two portions of salad instead of juice etc. On any given day, at office, no two Vital food dabbas look alike. You don't get the same boring type of rotis everyday. Some days, its ragi roti, some days its rotis made out of rice flour etc. The best part is that any combination of dal/sabzi/ roti/ salad gets repeated only once a month. So everyday its a new combo. There's more... Once every 10 days, we get pastas / garlic bread kinda stuff. You get a spoon, straw, table (paper) mat, tissue and mouth freshner along with the dabba.

Most people around me, at work, share one single dabba. For me one dabba just about lasts till 6pm. I need my quota of a sandwich post 7 o clock.

hmm, coming to the most important part... the moneys! Sunali charges Rs.2175.64/= (including VAT) for 26 dabbas which works upto Rs.83/= per dabba. The amount is collected before she starts your quota. You SMS Sunali the previous evening when you don't want the dabba the following day, if you are planning to bunk office. Considering that the dabba lasts from mid-morning (juice/ chaas) to evening (snack), its strictly vegetarian and its very well packed, I am quite ok with the pricing. If you are working in Mumbai and are tired of home / hotel food, do try Sunali's Vital foods. Lunch dabba... amma seiydadu polave!

Vital foods - # 2, Shah Baug, 11th Road, (Kapoor Cottage), near V.N. Desai hospital, TPS III, Santacruz (east), Mumbai - 55. Ph: 32944000 / 26126909

Saappaturaami rating : 4 out of 5 (plastic containers!!)

Kai zaala...

It's a great feeling when you listen to some of your favourite songs after a very long time, say a decade or so. The feeling cannot be expressed in words. Whenever I visit Chennai and am hooked on to the radio, a lot of ARR's songs from the 90s bring out that joy.

Very rarely, do I have my favourites in Hindi songs - the exceptions being ARR, Shankar Mahadevan and Hariharan.

I listened to this particular [Marathi-English ]number yesterday after years, when it played on our station and felt like dancing and singing aloud. Here's the video. Enjoy! Never mind the abaswaram in a few places. It's a fun song!
[akka - do you remember you mentioned that the 'Don' in this video resembles my ex-boss? ha ha ha!he really does!]

Meet the new 'Roshans' of the adfilm industry

I just loved the track... loved the painting-effect on the visuals.. Loved everything about the IPL 'Dharmyuddh' promo. Aiyyayo! Just when I was about to start my research for my Asatthal Advertisement series on the IPL 'Karmayuddh' ad, here comes a dampener. This ad is a blatant lift from a five year old baseball commercial and what's worse - Prasoon Pandey, the director of the commercial denying that it is an eeyadicchan copy.

Paavegala.. Now am waiting for an American Ram Sampath to 'bless' (sue) Prasoon and Piyush Pandey - the new Roshans of the adfilm world!

Watch the original here.

Saappaturaami-1

It is getting tougher by the day to find a friend (with a good appetite) who could give me company to eat out on week days. Most of my friends are the typical Mumbai ladkis-dieting variety, who have three.. sorry, a maximum of two idlis for lunch and say "I am full ya...."! So, with my limited company of two or three food.. sorry good friends, I try and explore new eat-outs every week.

Here's a new series dedicated to all the food lovers of the world especially to my friends - Ha and Ra from Mumbai and Van, Tees, San, Ush, Ras, Anu ,Sha, Aru, Raj, Sach, Kat - the Chennai 'foodie' queens and kings whose company I really miss. And yes, to my dear better-aaf who has never restricted me from tasting the fat-filled wide range of food items viz. Mishti Doi of Sweet Bengal, Vadapao from Mithibhai college, Tamizh saapadu from Mani's, Pesto pasta (home made), Natural's Mango icecream, Sizzling brownie from Cafe coffee day, Noodles from Noodle bar, Garlic Bread from Papa Jones, Apple-cinnamon cake from Bread talk, Rajasthani Thaali from Sarvodaya and much more...

btw,for those wondering, what or who on earth is Saappaturaami ? It is the tamil-ised version of the hep- socialite-Pg 3 ing term 'Foodie'

The Gujrati Club

For all those hungry souls dying of hunger at the Great Indian-Santacruz airport traffic jam, don't head to the horribly expensive Orchid hotel for food. Instead, take a left at Milan Subway, head towards Santacruz (west) station road and take the second gully on the left. You'll find an old bungalow which could easily be mistaken for a shooting bungalow but for its bright light and an old signboard that says 'Gujrati club'

Open from 11am-3pm and from 7-10pm on Weekdays and only for lunch on Sundays, this place serves only Gujju thalis. For lunch, they serve four sabzis, dal/ kadi, roti, rice, bonda / bajji type of thing. For dinner, it is two sabzis, dal / kadi, roti, rice, bonda/ bajji type of thing. The taste is simply superb. Please don't mind the sweetish tasting Dal. Gujjus are like that wonly! When I visited, they didn't serve dessert but I saw two maamas having amarkhand.hmm, may be dessert was reserved only for Gujjus. Quite possible, I say!

The best part is that, it is an unlimited thaali where you can eat eat and eat. The service is superb reminds you of the kind of service in a saravana bhavan or any such hotel in Madras. But the prices though are definitely not the Saravana bhavan type [one cup pongal=30 odd rupees!!]. At the Gujrati club, one thaali is priced at Rs.60/= which is very very reasonably by Mumbai standards.

Saappaturaami rating: 4 out of 5 (dessert enga?)

PS: I complete 11 years in Aamchi Mumbai today! Still remember the first day in Mumbai way back in 1997 at the Santacruz airport asking for "Yeh Peddar road mein jaane..." [I want to go to Peddar road]. My hindi hasn't improved one bit. Ask my colleagues / friends here.

MaambazhamAAM MaambazhamAAM

The weekend was filled with Mambazhams - It started with vanilla icecream topped with Haaphus pieces. Monday was the mega mambazham day with a mango milkshake and mango kulfi at Elco's. A, the rockstar at office decided to treat S and I and so we travelled all the way to Elco's for some pav bhaji, bhelpuri, parathas and an overdose of mambazhams... Yummmmmy!

Thank you A! You are the next super star, I say!Haapus a.ka Alphonse is priced at approx. Rs.42 per piece - yes per piece! This year's mambazha output is 5% less than the usual. Even otherwise, the average price is somewhere close to Rs.24-25/- which is etta-k-kani for AAM junta like me.

Kanigalilee aval Maangani...Kannadasan's ; Mambazhamaam mambazham, malgova mambazham - remember the school poem? and ofcourse the latesht Maambazhamam Mambazham *Ouuuuvvv* from Pokkiri. Can you think of more mambazha songs ?

PS: Somehow the engleees word mango does not do justice to the juicy 'Maambazham', right?